beggars can't be choosers

We want to live near the temple and attend mangal arati daily. We must choose between luxury and proximity. We can't live the way we have been living. Whether in Zurich or Mayapur. We must compromise on lifestyle if we want proximity.

liar

He blatantly told a lie about what work he does. He said nothing about what he's really trying to do. How are we to explain this to others? We should be saying. It's a pilot project which will start becoming effective only in the future.

i am a crunchy cookie for Krsna

Krsna enjoys tasting devotion. My devotion is like a cookie. I must have all the ingredients for a good cookie. Determination, patience, enthusiasm, and so on. And the dough has to be put into fire in the oven to Proof it. Prove that it is sincere, an unbroken uncrumbled cookie sin cera, without cracks. Krsna will then taste the cookie. Is it crunchy? Soft? Buttery? Spicy? And enjoy eating the cookie of my devotion.

disrespect

Because I denounced cryptoninvestments, he is insulted and wants revenge. He wants me to submit and subordinate myself.

credit to Krsna

I said we now have enough funds to support Tulsi's education in an IB school, thanks to Krsna. And I get the response, you also have to have abiility and intelligence, and Krsna won't help unless you help yourself. In any case the credit goes to Krsna for our intelligence and abilities. So why is giving Krsna credit such a bad thing? Why does it make him defensive? Because he has an ego that wants to take credit.

What about Langenthal? Not world class quality. German and French only. Not international.

What about Mayapur? I distinctly felt this: it is not for naterialists. It is for serious practitioners. If we go there as materialists it will simply be offensive. And offenses there might cost us our devotional life. Better here. Also moving across countries is tough. One has to be simple and detached. If poverty, safety, and other things are of concern, that means faith is very shallow. If faith is not there, and we are going to depend on our intelligence, then so be it.

telepathy from kosarupa m

But I'm not sorry, it's human nature.

Yup. Conditioned souls are attached to their so called wealth. They aren't going to part with it so easily. In any case, don't hang your sorrows on me.

Express ypurself.

more messages

God helps those who help themselves.

One must use that over which one has a Right and for which one has ability to offer in Krsna's service. If it's not yours, or you don't know how, then you can't offer it.

A crow cannot become a paramahamsa swan by scrubbing feathers or eating only weeds. He will remain black and eat what crows eat.

messages

I asked vpm for guidance and she said to keep aside for retirement. Then i read story of Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati wherein the blind man is misled because he held the tail of a cow. One should take shelter of a bona fide spiritual master, who is always in the heart, and not of other persons, who may be pious, but will only land us in trouble.

materialist versus transcendentalist

A materialist depends on their own intelligence.

A transcendentalist depends fully on Krsna at each moment.

what is krsna consciousness

Perfoming austerity, sacrifice, and charity

1. To please Krsna without desiring fruitive results as a matter of duty without any separate ulterior motive.

2. On behalf of Krsna, without expectations, on the absolute platform in harmony with Krsna's desire.

what is worship

To think of someone

Offer them respect

Take shelter of them

Emulate them

Please them

Pay obseisances

Obey them

Consider them to be Great

To make sacrifices for them

To love and adore them

To tell others about them

We may be subconsciously worshiping ghosts or the false ego in this way. We certainly worship our own child in many ways, putting them in the center of our life.

om tat sad

Each word refers to a verse in scripture and indicates 3 goals

Om is Krsna

Tat is all beings are Your parts and parcels

Sad is eternally without any separate interest

Om is on behalf of Krsna

Tat is without desiring fruitive result and as a matter of duty

Sat is unalloyed or without separate interest from Krsna

forgive transgressions

Don't forgive transgressions against others. Forgive only transgressions against youself.

austerities of heart

To prevent hard heartedness from tapasya, one must perform tapasya of the heart and be more forgiving.

1. See future of all souls as Krsna Das and overlook present state of sin

2. Forgive those who hurt you in any way

3. Control urge to be angry and beat up or chastise others. Practice forgiveness.

4. Remember to reject only that which absolutely cannot be used to bring others and yourself closer to Krishna.

austerities are not optional

If you do as you feel, that is animal life. Austerities are not optional.

You MUST WAKE UP EARLY

YOU MUST EXERCISE DAILY

YOU MUST NOT EAT MORE THAN ONE FULL MEAL

YOU MUST APPLY TILAK?

YOU MUST GIVE CHARITY

YOU MUST OBSERVE FESTIVALS BY FASTING APPROPRIATELY

Rising to the mode of goodness is NOT bad or optional. It is a Must. There isd no other way.

why

Did I ask her to pray for me. Why did I donate? Why did I accept from her all the gifts? Why did I ask if I could ne of help? Now I thought we were rich, with more than wd need. Why am I now being told we're not rich. Stop donating. We need money for retirement. Should I admit this to her? Should I wait for a chance to donate with "my own" money? Should I see this as an Exploitation? I asked for it. Should I try to convince Mr retirement to donate for children's books? Should I ask Krsna to please sort this out for me?

i don't have to eat

If I'm not hungry. I don't HAVE to eat to give Dauji company. He can live this isolated life, pretending that talking about tulsi is the fulfilling goal of life. But his lies are not mine. I don't HAVE to do anything. I can change with Krsna's help. He has helped me before. I can, if I can sincerely just give up this idea of being happy by eating at the wrong time, overeating, and eating the wrong things. I must have self awareness to stop myself from killing me. I must chant constantly. I must take help from Krsna to stop this madness. He will help me, if I just stop taking shelter of my "own separate intelligence". I can only depend on Krsna. My intelligence is corrupt, so is my mind, and my senses. I must meditate seriously, disallowing the mind and ego from dictating my actions, words, thoughts.

I must see through deceptions by being sincere in my desires. I must have only one desire TO KNOW THE TRUTH AND REALIZE IT.

I don't care about others right now. I can't. I am too self obsessed. And too concerned with pleasing others.

I feel stuck, trapped, limited, enslaved, unable to change habits, unable to continue compromising with myself goals needs and ideals.

20 years from now

You'll be giving class and relishing Srila Prabhupada's every word, feeling the divine love within them.

40 years from now

Make sure you don't end up 30 years from now thinking I should have taken my spiritual master's good advice.

vish

A poisoned heart cannot think of Krsna. It can only get angry, lusty, greedy, envious, proud, and deluded. Such a person cannot take shelter of Krsna. To take shelter of Krsna means to cry out helplessly, even in circumstances where it is easier to be angry, easier to be offended, rash, abusive, mad, greedy, helplessly taking shelter of sugar to cover the pain, it is NOT EASY to take sheltet of Krsna. Not for a sinful person like me. I need to be cleansed of my sins and freed from attachments, freed from doubts and misunderstandings, freed from false pride, freed from baf association and bad habits.

songs of telepathy

Speak softly, someone might be hearing your heartbeats. That person might hear what should have been kept secret.

Won't radha be jealous? A fair lady has put her arms around Kanha. But morning and evening, Krsna is only calling out Radha Radha. Then why is she jealous. Doesn't she know she is the moon, the others are just stars.

Has this bishi kishen found other victims? Has he decided to show them off before the family? Am i expected to react in a way that might het me into trouble later? Aisha will say, see? You were saying he likes you and here he is with someone else, happy and satisfied, so why do you think he likes you. It's all in your head. Problem is you, not him.

thief

Trying to enjoy Krsna's body and senses for my personal gratification. Putting food in a fireless stomach.

i am a sinful demon

Killer of my own soul. I eat indiscriminately and it is eating me up increasing the actions and reactions, producing a new material body. Taking me away from Krishna. Who immediately sent His pure devotee after me to help me come out of this dark place. Full of misery and suffering. Where sand looks like delicious nectar but only gives pain.

sins reduce

Suffering reduces sins

But I screamed and got very very angry when my skin was burned by the hot water. It might have been karma. But I wasn't ready to be humble or tolerant or accepting or even neutral. I was piping hot angry and frustrated i had to eat lots of sugar to blanket the pain.

malware

This body and mind are corrupted soft and hardwares. And we have to take up antivirus software of devotional activities to kill the bad elements within. But we also need to stop going to websites from where malware is automatically downloaded.

remembering Krsna to kill the ego

Remembering Krsna means He remembers you. Means you hear Him. Means you can choose His guidance over that of the false ego. Means ego will die. Means you can get out of clutches of maya.

i found a fault in her!!

I found a fault in Kosa Rupa Mataji. She's canvassing for poor little Jaguars. That's mundane piety, no? There you go. That makes me better than her. That makes me more advanced. That makes her not such a worthy shelter anymore. I forget that she's Prabhupada's beloved. That she's being dictated just like me. How can i know what Krsna wants from her? How can i even appreciate the effort she put into creating something nice for children, based on Bhagavatam? How can i appreciate her generosity and desire to serve me? How can I appreciate that she's obviously in better modes, better dressed, better at relating, more forgiving and friendly?

higher self

I am operating in my lower self. When I threw the ice creams in the trash, that was my higher self fighting with my lower self. There is a war going on inside. I don't even know about it. I just identify with that voice that says, I want to buy snacks, I want to buy sweet bars for Tulsi. And I bought them. But who told me that? And if that's not me, who is?

prestige?

Is the desire to be famous among my neighbors, to prove to then that I'm not the liser they think I am, driving me to change my external appearance and occupation? Do i want to be more than just a compliant, voluntarily poor housewife? Is my desire to be famous! To be loved and known! Will that fulfill my needs? Will it make me happy?

How is it that Radharani, when Maha Bhava appears, it is then that her desire for personal happiness is burned away?

Is that the death of false ego? Is she trapped in my heart, waiting for Krsna to come and be with her?

who's telling me

To buy that chocolate snack

To stay unkempt to avoid trouble

To be quiet

To quit thinking of my contribution to this world

To just go with the flow

To refuse surrender

Who is telling me?

demigod worship

Is my husband the demigod I worship? Do I thus commit offenses to the Holy Name?

Is to think Krsna is different from His name form pastimes and qualities.

who do you call?

When the inevitable moment of disaster arrives, who will I ask for shelter? Who will misguide me? Will I choose correctly? I'm seeing so many horrible suggestions. Jump off the balcony. Leave home and run away. Be selfish, get your liberation worked out and ignore the time wasters. Get out of this sick family game. Stop letting others exploit you. He might be a pedophile. He may go bankrupt. He might be unjust. You might lose your legs. You might have to join the church. You can prevent nasty outcomes if you surrender. Don't just live to eat. He's miserly. He's a materialist. He's a workaholic. He wants to maintain the status quo. He has no interest in spiritual life because he thinks he's doing enough. He defends his bad decisions so if he's bankrupt he still won't admit that he screwed up. He's being dictated. He's just a pawn on Maya's chessboard.

tj says you can't just be a mom

T you can be a doctor, then ypur children won't need one.

1. You fail if you're just a mom

2. You need to save money by being a doc

3. You have to have a separate identity to save yourself

ego will sabotage spiritual life

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WISDOM SCHOOL

Wisdom School is a series of lessons created to explore the higher spiritual teachings and raise the consciousness of those participating. Posted lectures are given to assist students seeking to walk a real spiritual Path and transform their consciousness from regular mundane levels to that of more enlightened beings, aware of their soul and wishing to grow in Love.

UNDERSTANDING THE EGO AND ITS DESIRE TO SABOTAGE YOUR SPIRITUAL PROGRESS

Understanding Ego, Mind, Soul and God

When people first begin to get serious about their spirituality, they are often quite surprised that it is much harder than expected. In business relationships, the managing of expectations is a critical part of what makes a particular partnership work over the long term. For example, if I tell you that by hiring my company, you will see an increase in profits of 50% in the first 6 months but in fact, you only see an increase of 20%, you would be understandably disappointed. Or if I said I would provide weekly reports to document the progress of our project but 2 months had past and you still hadn’t seen one report, this would be grounds for concern.

Spirituality, according to a huge majority in our world, takes a few clichéd forms. There is a ‘spiritual, not religious’ form where people do yoga, or practice meditation focused around stilling their minds and breathing deeply, or they take on an outer cause to defend (animal rights, human rights, environmental protection etc) or they become vegetarians for political or health reasons. This style of spirituality is fine although it often produces a subtle attitude of righteousness, separation and exclusion.

Another form of spirituality is to reject the economic system and become a ‘free spirit’. In this modality, people refuse traditional work, anything that supports the profit driven society and then proceed to barely eke out a survival, living in a poverty mindset yet happy not to be contributing to the demise of our planet. Their conscience feels clearer to be outside the money hungry world of business and many try to be positive contributors where they can.

And probably the most traditional form of spirituality is to follow a world religion such as Christianity, Muslim or Judaism, attend regular services, pray to God and do the best to live a morally ‘correct’ life. Some who choose this route find fulfillment through extensive involvement in their church or community, taking on projects, volunteering and basically giving of their time to be of service to those in need. Again, like the other flavors of spirituality, this one is mostly an outer expression with some limited sense of how God truly works.

In this community however, people are drawn by the possibility of something vastly different than the approaches mentioned. When a person begins to feel the awakening within their soul that spurns an insatiable hunger for Truth (with a capital T), these outer expressions of spirituality do not meet the pressing demand, so to speak. Why is that?

The reason that all these practices and outer expressions of spirit or proper living don’t really cut it is because our soul knows there is something much huger and much better than what we have been doing up to this point. The soul knows because it has already been there, already walked this journey, already has the concrete memory of a real spiritual life and is no longer willing to postpone that journey for the sake of some watered down version while alive on Earth.

Now our soul is a pretty patient part of us and we probably should take a moment in our next meditation and sincerely apologize for how long we have made it wait before we began getting serious about starting the journey in this life. But thankfully, its rebellion is a positive one and it really just wants us to get on track so it can settle into the work ahead. This is often quite a relaxing moment, the point at which we have listened to the calling of our soul and we now can see there in fact is a path and the gate has opened for us to walk it.

This brings us back to the managing of expectations. Wouldn’t it make sense that getting ourselves back on the right track, the real spiritual journey per se, we would be filled with joy and elation. After all, we’re going to be living our real lives now and will soon be united with the True and Living God! Well, if that was all there were, I’d say yes, it will be all joy and happiness, maybe a few challenges but the kind that are really engaging and fun, and resolve easily like doing a tough crossword puzzle but one where you pretty much can get all the answers if you think for a few minutes.

Well, unfortunately, this is far from the reality that a soul faces upon really accepting this mission. And the primary reason that this journey is actually very difficult, especially in the early months or even years is that we have very established parts of ourselves that really do not want this voyage to succeed, thank you very much.

We are now going to talk about the ego, this part within each of us that has enjoyed quite a nice long reign over our decisions, actions, thoughts and general philosophy of life. The ego has an agenda that is mostly at odds with our soul. The soul wants our whole being in union with God because in that union, it knows that it is fulfilling our personal, Divine Purpose as a human being while alive here on Earth. That love connection with God needs to be in place, knows the soul and then everything else will flow. It doesn’t mean every day we will be curled up at the feet of angels who are strumming golden hearts while we eat our favorite creamy deserts. Hardly. But it does mean we will have the most fulfilling, wondrous, magical life doing what God has deemed best for us and we will have a very full tool belt for how to deal with life’s challenges or trials as the Bible calls them, promptly and effectively.

The ego on the other hand is all about separation and WAM or What About Me! And it is not about to give up its spot as top dog in order to ‘join with all humanity and become some kind of boring spiritual person’. The ego is filled with misconceptions and wrong attitudes.

At the same time, our ego is not to be killed because it has a function as long as we are in physical bodies. Think of it this way… if we don’t eat at regular intervals, or don’t drink water, eventually our bodies will shrivel and die. If we don’t sleep for 2 days or more, we really slip in our ability to function thus robbing our organs and flesh bodies the time they need to rejuvenate. Eventually lack of sleep will compromise our immune systems and we will get sick. If it’s really cold out, the ego wants us to get inside and be warm or else, again, if unattended to, our bodies will die if exposed for prolonged periods.

So it is wise to think of the ego as that part of us that makes sure we manage the very basic physical needs. Beyond that, we have much better faculties within us that should govern other decisions. Within most people alive today, these other parts have never been actively developed. In their place, our ego has gladly assumed the responsibility which actually is a recipe for a very miserable life.

Why? Because the ego doesn’t have the capacity to access the Universal Intelligence and Love or God which is that Divine Energy or Being that created us and which knows that we need to be in union with Him/Her in order to reach a peaceful and deeply fulfilling state of being. That’s right; our ego can’t play that role and was never meant to.

What if at the age of 8, your parents never made you any more meals. They said to you one day “We’ve been feeding you for 8 straight years. We think you get the picture. You know where the fridge is and where the pantry is. You take over.” From that moment on, you would likely be eating a few very basic meals, easy ones to prepare and very comforting foods because you would lack the development and skill to make nutritious meals or to vary things up very much.

You’d probably eat a lot of mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, sugary cereals, chocolate milk, chips… you get the idea. Even if one day as a teenager, you decided to try and cook some meat, you’d have no idea how to buy the right cut, how to season it, cook it and if after a few bites it tasted bland, or was tough, you’d likely never try again. Such is the way of life of someone who isn’t taught new things and who is acting from an under developed part of themselves which is totally mal-equipt to do the job it has been assigned.

The second problem with the ego is that it has formed an alliance with our minds. In fact, it can be very helpful to think of our mind being the henchman of the ego. The mind by its very nature is not dark, selfish or self-serving. In fact, it is a super intelligent and complex thing created by God to serve our beings. It is like a transmitting and receiving station with incredible power and range. It has conscious and subconscious parts which are truly miraculous in their creative ability.

But the mind is no leader, it is a follower. The mind of its own accord is lost and will loop itself into whatever ridiculous or fantastical thoughts are stored within it. Remember, the mind wants direction and it will default to the most persistent leader of your being. So who is presiding at present? For most of us humans, it is the ego. And that’s the equivalent of putting 16 year old who just got their driver’s license in charge of planning out the entire country’s roads and highway system. Bad idea.

So what is this alliance that the ego has developed with the mind? It is a union based in ideas of misunderstanding; one is survival, another is indulgence, another is gratification, and another power. These are the interpretations of a lesser faculty that has assumed responsibility over something way beyond its means. Again with the metaphor of a child given authority beyond its capacity… he will tend to govern only to the depth that provides him gratification and happiness but won’t be capable of thinking or acting beyond a certain set of conditions and behaviors. He simply hasn’t developed to such an extent.

In the case of the ego, it will never develop to a point where it can lead a being, certainly not the way the soul can. The soul is always wanting to move towards God and fulfill its ultimate purpose which is the expression of God in service to God. The ego can do an ok job of keeping us alive and our lives filled with drama, misguided relationships, addictions, ambitions to excel past others, striving for luxurious conditions, admired for our beauty, intelligence, personal style and on and on. But as we all sadly know, a life filled with these trophies of the ego offers only temporary relief from the emotional angst of life on Earth. On a deeper level, this way of living is simply to mask that gnawing of our soul which is simultaneously trying to get our attention.

Recapping what we have established, our ego has a motive to glorify ourselves and has coerced our minds into its service. The mind has accepted the ego as that intelligent guide it longs for and continues merrily fulfilling the wishes of the ego regardless of how the outcomes continue to take us farther and farther from a state of true peace and happiness. This makes for a very attractive environment for the battle of good and evil to rage on within.

While this may be a stretch for some to acknowledge, consider that hundreds of movies have been made that play out this war between the forces of good and evil. Why this is so engaging to humans is because it is the fundamental reality we live in day by day, sometimes even minute by minute. We can relate to it on a daily basis, that is the temptation to do what we know is right compared to the allure of what we can feel is wrong but that dangles a possible special prize for us.

All of us are at a different place as to what aspects of darkness we allow to live within us. It would be very short sighted and a complete lack of humility to assume we don’t let darkness live within us to some degree. The Bible teaches some very clear commandments on how to live when we are in accord with God or the Light. For example, if we have ill will feelings towards another human, we have allowed the darkness to claim some part in us.

Coming back to the opening of this lesson, let’s talk about expectations. Suppose we finally have decided to take our soul up on its persistent call within us and have found a Path back to God. We begin to open a little with the help of some souls who have walked this Path before us and we welcome the Grace of God to Light the way within us and before us. Now what?

We begin to learn that there is a new leadership team being considered for the position of president and counsel of your being. This team is infinitely more equipped and prepared to be the decision makers in this life. The current president is the ego with mind as its VP. The new leadership team is the soul as president with the GodSelf as Chairman of the board. So a slightly different configuration.

The reason we can’t just dismiss the old president and swear in the new is what makes this journey quite a challenge. As any of us can attest, if we could just get rid of a family member that in particular causes us grief and irritation, we probably would. But family, in most cultures cannot be divorced. We’re kind of stuck with them as long as they continue to live.

Our ego can’t be completely dismissed, killed or forgotten because it was created to serve a function. So how is it going to work when you take your ego out of being the president, the all glorious ruler who has quote, gotten you this far unquote, and now they are being demoted to janitor. And to make matters even worse, you are replacing it with this part that, as far as the ego is concerned, doesn’t even exist, let alone have any real experience or skills to keep the being alive, well and comfortable. This is truly an outrage!

Next we have the mind which was faithfully serving the ego and was appointed to a powerful right hand role as the vice president. The new leader, the soul says “I still want you in the executive team but now I’m going to call you Manager of Creative Affairs” which is a far cry from its prior role. You can imagine that all will not be peaceful during this transition period.

Expectation number one, there will be conflict. Why? Because the ego, now in a maintenance function still knows where the mind is and has had a long allegiance to it. It is not about to accept itself being ousted from the top spot without a fight. Keep in mind, it is not just fighting to be difficult. It is fighting because it believes the soul has no idea what it is doing. For example, the soul has already begun to examine and veto things that the ego has spent decades putting into place. Examples of these things may include drugs and alcohol as enjoyable recreations, or certain attitudes of grandiosity that have always served to propel itself farther ahead in career. The soul is trying to stop certain foods from coming in but the ego is appalled at such stupidity. “Doesn’t it know how much pleasure we get from eating these things!? What is it trying to do to us? I need to fix this right away!”

These voices of the ego are to be expected and many more. In fact, we can’t even predict how many times, ways, and places the ego will try to raise a stink in its plan to show just how terrible the new leadership team is. You can be sure it will be watching for those moments when things seem to be going poorly and take advantage of these times to get the mind riled up (which in turn will stir up all sorts of emotions).

Keep in mind that there is always the active enemy hoping to convince you that the Path to God is a huge mistake. It will find countless creative and brilliantly timed arguments to show how your old life of ignorance was easier, more fun, more manageable and really just more acceptable since pretty much everyone is doing it and they all appear to be doing just fine!

You can be sure they are not at all doing fine. Some may be superficially content. Some may be cruising on the perceived easy life while the vast majority are riding a roller coaster of difficult emotional woes, inflated hopes, glimpses of love, terrible tragedies, crushing disappointments, unexplained obstacles, moments of sheer triumph, pockets of Grace but an overall sense that they don’t know what could happen at any point and God help them when it does. In other words, there is a lot of fear in our hearts and we are enslaved to the decisions of the ego and life for us is an anxiety filled, constant balance of fear, hope, and survival.

On the other hand, the Path of the Soul is the complete opposite. It is a life of certainty, confidence, wonder… of magical miracles, unexplained Graces, open doors that lead to tremendous growth and fulfillment and essentially the absolute knowing that one’s purpose is right on track with the all loving God who created us. Who could ask for anything more?

For the time being, most are very happy to settle for much less. And this is simply because the inner battle of dethroning the ego, reassigning it, breaking its influence over the mind and trusting the unpredictable, unorthodox and unfamiliar style of the Soul, receiving perfect and mysterious advice from the GodSelf is just too darn hard!

It is hard, true. And in fact, Jesus even told us that narrow is the Path that leads to the Kingdom of Heaven. Many parables and teachings expressed very clearly the difficulty we face in this journey. But He also emphasized how much help there is available, and how life becomes so full of abundant treasures by just our willingness to even give it a shot.

In future lessons, we will begin to delve much deeper into the day to day process of how this leadership change takes place. We will see how the ego pulls out all the stops and twists every little detail to support its dying cause. As well, we will see how the soul and Self when listened to diligently and earnestly continually demonstrate a better outcome not just for ourselves but for everyone around us. One of the key differentiators is time. The ego wants it all now! But God sees the long view. Our spiritual maturity is thus defined to a certain degree by our ability and willingness to delay gratification. This also puts pressure on our faith. We need real faith in order to follow what we are instructed to do from within because it often won’t make sense to our mind and certainly won’t sit well with our ego.

For now, simply become aware of the fact that the journey ahead is a daily choice. By whose authority will you be led as you awake each day? We suggest the Path of the Soul. We know from experience that learning to walk this way requires a diligent effort. And also that when this new Way of life becomes more settled, there really is no turning back… thankfully.

qualities i wish to have

Patience

Tolerance

Gratitude

Compassion

Truthfulness

Curiosity

Mindfullness

Awareness

Alertness

Low expectations

Encouragement

Thoughtfulness

Observation

Planning

Organization

Tidiness

Cleanliness

Inclusiveness

Detachment from micromanaging

Courage

Foresight

Goal based thinking

Respect

Responsibility

Integrity, do what's right, not what's easy

Streamlining

Resetting premises

Accountability

Reliability

Faith in Krsna

Importance of Guru in life

Searching for answers to behavioural problems

Resolving doubts through humble prayer

Praying together

Praying for others

Celebrating

Being social

Looking presentable

Giving up unwanted fear

Recognizing the voices of temptation and evil and ignoring their suggestions

Learning to cultivate the right desires

Seeing God's hand in all incidents and things

Limiting bad association

Giving love and expressing love

wicked god?

If I'm born in ignorance, deluded, kept that way, exposed to ideas harmful to me, kept misguided, fed poison, and then told that it was my choice, but I don't remember that I made such a choice, and I have no idea what is being done to my body, nor what bliss my soul is in, and I'm told I'm worse than dead, and I'm told to repent, humble myself, because I tried to become God, because I didn't surrender, because I made an offense to His devotee at some point, which became the real but hidden cause of my falldown, and now I am stuck here, with no hope of redeeming myself except by the conspiracy of the Lord and His devotees, and Their mercy, and I won't know the bliss unless I give up the false enjoyment here because it's temporary and wicked because it causes greed lust anger etc to manifest, and I'm given faith bit by bit, expected to fully surrender, and yet exposed to wicked elements, and God is essentially the source of everything, and Durga is acting under His instructions, and He is the "good guy" making durga look like the "bad guy" even though she's just doing what He told her to do, then am I supposed to rejoice about how wonderful God is?

threats on channel fear and temptation

Maya is sending me messages about what fearful things await me. Mooh kala muquabala hoga o laila. Insult and squabbles. I am surely going to get chastised. But I must resist anger, greed, lust, envy, pride, illusion. I must be grounded in Krsna, surrendered, fighting against wicked desires at each moment. If I don't manage, time will run out and I will end up taking shelter of maya and my weaknesses. I won't know what to do.

He's telling me I will become his and become like him. Rang rang mere Rang rang me...

Certainly these messages are carefully being sent to me to warn, threaten, tempt, misguide, and push me to think wrong, do wrong. But I should see Krsna's mercy. Gurudeva knows everything. This is my chance to get deeper into Krsna, to increase my surrender. And it will get only more intense as every one works on my case, to keep me as long as possible in ignorance. I'm being watched. Maya and her agents are on to me. They know what hurts, and what works.

caution

Be careful about what your mouth is speaking. All actions and words should be stopped as soon as you realize that they're not conducive to spiritual progress.

two taps

Spiritual life means to turn off the tap spewing filthy liquid and turn on the tap with clear water.

Maya means only mud will come out of the tap, no matter what you do. Even turning it off doesn't work.

Krsna means the pure water of unalloyed devotional service will come out of the tap. But it takes time to turn the other tap off and for the accumulated dirty muck to be washed off.

magnetize

Spiritual life means to turn rusted metal into magnets attracted to Krsna, in harmony with His desires.

puzzle pieces

Krsna will give me everything if I am sincerely trying to resist the dictations of my mind to engage in overeating, and other useless activities.

If my true desire is simply to serve pure devotees and Krsna, then and only then will I be taken by the Holy Name to another consciousness.

If I do not refuse the demands of my mind and senses, it is insincerity because if a child says I want to get a degree, but never does homework and refuses to go to school, then it is obviouss that he is not willing to make the sacrifice needed to get what he wants

without protection

One certainly falls down. Only the Lord can protect one from falling down. One must pray therefore to be protected from material association.

i can see krsna

Vrindavanbehari is here. I can see. Gaurasundar is also seeing me from the painting. He is here. I can see Krsna, no need to pray to Him to make Himself visible. I must meditate on Krsna's form. I must put up His images again, all over the apartment.

polluted heart

Grains cooked by non devotees

Decadent foods like cream

Youtube videos and recipe searches

Opening heart to nondevotees and absorbing their thoughts moods ideas qualities and habits

Neglecting spiritual life and hearing from pure devotees

not my problem

I don't want to go anywhere with you, he said. Okay, so I'm going to hold a grudge and be unforgiving as well. I don't want to go anywhere either. Stay here. I don't care. Tulsi is lonely. Big deal. I don't care. Let her suffer. I am suffering, who cares. Let this go on. Let life end here in Burgmatt 7. If Krsna wants He can do something to change the status. It's not my job to plan or do anything.

would seeing Krsna help overcome greed?

If I try to see Krsna, I would be like the washerman, servant of kamsa the false ego. I wouldn't recognize Him. And seeing Him would give me no bliss or pleasure.

But if I please a pure devotee, then the power of their mercy could change me heart and allow me to see the beauty of Krsna, which is hidden to the cheaters.

my position

My position is unstable. I should stay away from him. Stop talking to him unless it is urgent. And I should just cook rice and soup daily except ekadashi can be quinoa and soup. I should just not do anything else. He's a wierdo. Mad. Insane. He cannot be trusted.

drama king

He skipped breakfast and ate lunch late in the afternoon. He ate pasta from yesterday and did not eat what I had cooked. He is a drama king.

why does he still not throw me out of home?

He has all but thrown me out of the house. Why? He said, go earn your own money. I don't want to eat what you cook. And other mean things like you're just a hypocrite. I can't peacefully visit my mother because of you. You're mad and you have insulted me. You throw numbers in the air and don't know anything. You told me I was stupid to put money in crypto. You said unacceptable things. You said you're not my husband. You are unreliable and just stay out of my life and away from me. This money, which I knew would come, now that it's coming in you want it? You want to use it and decide what is to be done? It's not yours. Especially because you said so. You said I was gambling. So now I will make sure you don't get a single penny of crypto for your personal spending. You take the PG shares.

my wife will blow up my savings

He thinks I am after his money and will blow up his savings for retirement. He thinks I want my share and so he said you take pg shares and get lost.

duplicity

Whether this business works or not, it doesn't matter. I have more than enough.

It is fluctuating, it is not stable. At any moment we could lose everything and it may become 1 eighth of what it was.

But stable coin is stable, 330k pa is assured. That will not be affected.

food?

Why am I eating pasta, tofu, Olives, and tomato sauce?

Rice and vegetables is enough. And on ekadashi, some buckwheat or potato is fine. I don't need to eat sweet food, with flour-based items. I can just eat rice and vegetables.

expect more madness

The false ego is cruel and wierd. Expect more madness.

who am I?

Since I'm disconnected from Krishna, I don't know who I am or what to do. I will simply rely on fallible soldiers instead of Krishna. He wants to get me out of this dream. He wants me to see reality. But I must trust Him and give up all the things that stand between me and Him. Otherwise I won't know what to do and I'll end up doing the wrong thing.

why am I here?

Until the time to leave my body comes, I must stick to my duty and vows. I can't let mistreatment make me leave this situation. Can I? If I'm insulted, told to go get a job again and again, told to never try and decide what is to be donated, told I don't want to eat what you cook, what am I supposed to do? I should thank Krishna and continue trying to be a good servant. That would make Gurudeva happy.

And that jealous sister. Why did I have to tell her he'll be working from home now?

the zero pay job

As a housewife, you do groceries, clean the commode, take care of the baby, and keep your mouth shut. Because you're a maidservant. You have no share in the earnings of your husband because you accused him of gambling, amd because his ego is bruised over being told he's not anyone's husband. His money is his. Apparently, he didn't need your help or support, and he did it all by himself. And what you did has no value. And you will never be paid for it because you were supposed to do it. It is your duty. And my duty to you is to mistreat you, and tell you that you're going to be on the street, go earn your own money if you want to decide what to do with it, and don't try to understand the financial situation. You're not supposed to be involved. Stay out of it. And of course how dare you comment on it?

Change of tune: I'm saving it for the future to serve vaishnavas. I want to see results from this money. I want to serve your MOM, thank me now, because she will need money spent on her. Your mom is your mom. And not mine. And if I spend on her you should be bowing down at my feet in gratitude for it.

you can do as you like with the shares

There's pg shares worth 500. You do what you want with it. Property, temple donations, spend it as you like. Just the rest of it is none of your business.

gaslighting?

One day we have more money than we will ever need. And the next day, we are poor and we need to watch how we spend each penny. Because? Braja Rani thinks if we're rich we can overspend. She thinks we can throw money away (donate to Krishna Tempel).

who is wrong?

Is he wrong for being revengeful? Am i wrong for being selfish? Is he wrong to mistreat me? Am I wrong to take offense?

Hurt people hurt people

The ego cannot tolerate being corrected, disparaged, disrespected, and called stupid. In cases where the ego is not able to compensate for pain, it plans revenge. It plots how to cause the same pain that was inflicted on it. The ego then proceeds to correct, disparage, disrespect, and call stupid the perceived enemy in order to vindicate itself. The topic at hand is completely irrelevant. It does not matter. Logic is thrown out of the window and twisted badly to suit the winner.

The person being spoken to makes no sense anymore. The pain pours out like a cup of lava, burning everything.

The strain on my marriage began when I fanatically refused to let T drink formula milk. It then disintegrated further when I began feeling more lonely and overworked and emotionally broken. It then completely collapsed when I was telepathically hooked up. And now, with my complete distrust of crypto assets, it has all but vanished. Still there is some little thin thread holding things together for want of a strong enough reason to call the whole thing off. That would require a serious drama, lots of misunderstandings, and a major threat or something just unacceptable.

Until then, I remain as a piece of junk, good for nothing, unable to cook well, unable to care for the child and buy proper clothes for it, unable to garner any goodwill or respect at all, and unfit to hear from because it is just all hypocrisy. I am not just a maidservant. My position is worse. I am a rat, being tolerated only because of some vows that were taken to care for me. I am talked down to, made to realize just how much of an unwanted piece of junk I am. Made to understand just how valuable the words coming from my mouth are, which are filthy and full of dishonesty. I am not a part of the family. I am just someone who happens to be there, and has to be tolerated. If I died, it would be a relief.

I feel unloved, hurt, rejected, and disrespected. Perhaps my inability to appreciate crypto is making me the greatest enemy there ever was or will be. Krishna I feel terrible. But somehow I can appreciate that the future will vindicate me. I feel glad that prides will be smashed down on both sides. I feel happy that my attachments are weakening, and my resolve to surrender is being strengthened. I pray that I can do my duties to please You. I pray that I can make the right choices that make You happy.

I heard about the whole expensive charitable hobby, which was supposed to be the replacement for the job, and then I went, such a ****! I mean, if there is no need to work hard for a living, why the whole mad working late into the night? Why the whole drama of being busy? And why not focus more on spiritual life than just the mad rush to set up a website and act important? Instead of chanting early in the morning, this guy was doing two jobs at work, and now is working more than 24 hours a day to prove to himself that he is capable, or safe, or just avoiding pain. But it is seriously screwed up. I don't get it. And I just don't understand why I was told, reduce the contribution to the temple to 5. I mean 10 was proper for the previous level of income. Now it should be higher. And I am working like a lower middle class servant. I could be spending more time chanting and reading and studying scripture. Why am I doing things that anyone else could do? Why do I have to take the bus to go shopping? Why do I have to wait a whole week to do laundry? Why am I working in a tiny kitchen without a food processor? Why am I so miserable? Why can't my life be a little more easy? And then I'm told, YOU SEE? YOU thought all this investment was crap. NOW? You want to decide what to do with it? You want it? You told me it was SHIT. Now get LOST. You're getting none of it. And we don't need you to cook in Mayapur. We're just going to eat out every day. And the only thing we need you for is the oci card. After that, if you're there to do the laundry and not complain, maybe you can stay until it is time to throw the garbage out. Thank you Shaligram Prabhu for those words. Just use him to throw the garbage out. He is going to hurt you. He knew it. I guess everyone knew it except me.

And he told me that we have to readjust our temple contribution because he doesn't know his earnings. And now he said it is way beyond what you can imagine. He somehow agreed to share the details of the income with me, and it just made me so mad at him. He's reducing the temple contribution because he wants me to feel the pinch. Like there's less money now than before. He thinks, LOok, NOW she sees how important I am, how smart I am, how much she should be respecting me.

And I asked if I could go shopping on Monday, and he said, can't you shop online. So apparently if I go out, it is a problem? Is he just so addicted to his work that he doesn't want me to go shopping because then he has to take care of T the whole day?

In any case, he felt guilty about mistreating me and did the dishes, and tried taking care of T since he anyway cannot rely on me to take care of her. She's underfed, unhealthy, and not being taken care of properly in general. And who fed the baby the giant ice cream when she was down with a throat infection?

Misguided by false egos, that's what it is. I just have to stay calm. At least my husband is not a drunk. He doesn't eat meat. He doesn't beat me up. And he never called me names. I should be grateful. Some women I know have taken way more abuse.

Millions of miscarriages

Since the first time that I started chanting, lust, anger, greed, envy, pride, and illusion are killing my propensity for pure devotional service in total humility and surrender. The enemy of surrender is the false ego, who knows that if Krishna takes birth, He will kill the false ego. So to save itself, the false ego holds on tighter to the anarthas and forces the soul to kill his own devotional aspirations by indulging in greed, anger, lust, pride, envy, and illusion.

Greed for eating, and especially sweet things.

Anger at others for not giving respect and not acting as expected.

Lust to enjoy food, T's face and talking, etc.

Pride in being very good at some skill, knowing scientifically or theoretically more than others, etc.

Envy in berating, criticizing, thinking How Stupid they are! about others, not seeing my own foolishness.

Illusion in thinking, I am this body so I should serve the senses and since it feels so good, how could it be bad or wrong?

I am the hired driver of Krishna's expensive car. He wants me to drive it around for Him, but I am thinking, this is my car and I can do as I like. I can ruin the engine, clog up the machine, and make it unfit to drive. But it's not my car, and if I do that, I will suffer and be punished rightly for making the wrong choices.

list of temptations

Attachment to comforts diverts attention from devotional service.

Say No to comforts opulence mind fixed on guru Krishna

Tapasya

Never accept anything for your own enjoyment

Money, home, family, comforts.

Detachment

Honor offerings but don't let it disturb service

Suras... Obstacle of pride. I'm better. Compete with other devotees.

Humility protects from pride. You are better. Yes I am nothing before you.

Samika, she grabbed his shadow. Envy. Cling on to the dark bad qualities of others due to our own envy. See good in others.

Finding faults ro bring them below you. You can't tolerate that they're better than you.

Where Time Ceases to Exist

Wednesday, September 29, 2021