Raghunath Das Goswami asks Is it Spiritual Love or Material?

In Prema Vivarta, Jagadananda Pandit describes the confusion Raghunath Das Goswami expressed to Swarup Damodar Goswami. The question he asks is "I don't understand the priti described by Chandidas and other poets. Mahaprabhu also sings songs with you that seem mundane. Please explain to me what is priti."

Swarup Damodar invokes Mahaprabhu on his tongue. He says real spiritual mellows are not to be imposed on the material body. Externally one must act in vaidhi sadhana bhakti. Internally, one should meditate on one's siddha deha and serve Krishna, the master of Shri Radha, in that body.

I don't have a siddha deha. Therefore, I have no right to try to enjoy spiritual rasas at this moment. I think I got this right.

Now, in my mind, when I experience time with my Gurudeva. It seems weird that Gurudeva reciprocated in person with me in the material realm as a beloved. As an enjoyer. Enjoyer is only Krishna. One should never impose the identity of Krishna on someone who is not Krishna. Maharaj's hands do not reach his knees. Therefore he is certainly not svayam bhagavan. Krishna is appearing through him. That is true. He is an instrument in the hands of Krishna. He said he wants the world to see the relationship we have between each other. Why? To show that Krishna is independent.

 Now my doubt is this: I don't have a siddha deha to meditate on. I don't have one as far as I am concerned. Should I resist any dreams that I have with Gurudeva? Is he or is he not Krishna? He is not? But then, why did he gaze so lovingly at me by moving aside the boys standing before him in front of everyone at Yamuna Ghat that day he and Jay Shetty sat by the Yamuna? Was that romantic? Was that Maya? Was that a Gopi maidservant of Radharani? Was that Lord Chaitanya in the mood of Krishna? What was that? Who was that? And is that the person I am to relate to as my spiritual master? What is my relationship with him? Who am I? And how can I protect myself from Maya and still cultivate spiritual emotions safely?

Radha Sundari also relates to him in a similar mood. She sees how he is cunning and talks to her while giving class to pacify her anger when he acted angrily with her. He talks about how Jatayu shouldn't take it personally that Ram couldn't be kind to him initially. She loves him. It's obvious. She's his consort. And she asked me to also marry him. Was that all maya?

I am so confused and unclear. Even after reading Prema Vivarta and Mahaprabhu's instructions to Raghunath Das Goswami, I am not sure I've got this straight. Do not hear mundane talks and do not indulge in them. Do not eat or dress nicely. Serve Radha and Krishna in the mind.

Avoid rasabhasa. As far as I am concerned, my love for my guru will be tested by time. Until then, my motivations would likely be based on mundane lust. I should not pretend to be something I'm not yet able to perceive. My spiritual identity is covered heavily. Now I need to focus on mahat-seva and purification. Maharaj said control your tongue. And be careful to avoid the mad-elephant offence. Tolerate everything. Freedom is what you do with what is done to you.