wicked god?

If I'm born in ignorance, deluded, kept that way, exposed to ideas harmful to me, kept misguided, fed poison, and then told that it was my choice, but I don't remember that I made such a choice, and I have no idea what is being done to my body, nor what bliss my soul is in, and I'm told I'm worse than dead, and I'm told to repent, humble myself, because I tried to become God, because I didn't surrender, because I made an offense to His devotee at some point, which became the real but hidden cause of my falldown, and now I am stuck here, with no hope of redeeming myself except by the conspiracy of the Lord and His devotees, and Their mercy, and I won't know the bliss unless I give up the false enjoyment here because it's temporary and wicked because it causes greed lust anger etc to manifest, and I'm given faith bit by bit, expected to fully surrender, and yet exposed to wicked elements, and God is essentially the source of everything, and Durga is acting under His instructions, and He is the "good guy" making durga look like the "bad guy" even though she's just doing what He told her to do, then am I supposed to rejoice about how wonderful God is?