perhaps she did get some sukriti

Taking her to the temple was maybe against her spiritual interest because she has spiralled down to a dark level where offenses come very easily. But traveling to the temple, she paid her own ticket, she also tok darshan and heard kirtan. I hope the gates are reopening for her to traverse the path of redemption.

offenses towards devotees

This person sees devotees and feels an immediate need to ignore, insult, or think of negatively. It is being dictated and is a natural result of living in sin and living a life averse to Krsna.

Oh Krsna, please help me to do the right thing.

my real family

Is the parampara of acaryas who have given shelter to me.

I must try to be the best I can be in my service to others. That means controlling the mind and senses through taking shelter of Krsna as far as possible.

stupid for not letting others serve you

Accept the love others are giving you by serving you.

It makes me uncomfortable when someone goes out of their way to serve me. I don't like being served.

For her, people serving her is a good thing. She likes being served and of course won't stop anyone who wants to serve her.

ashamed of crowded india

I don't know how you tolerated the noise and crowd.

Comment to someone who visited india delhi, jaipur and varanasi.

salary

Taste for hearing and chanting is the vetan, salary.

One should cultivate taste for holy name, krishna katha, and bhagavatam with one's resources. One should not use material gain and resources to engage in sense enjoyment, which is an anartha arising from previous acts of enjoyment of pious fruits sukritiuttha.

imitators of krishna

Krishna does not enjoy seeing His jivas trying to imitate Him and getting implicated in sin as a result.

krishna enjoys

The struggle of His devotee to know Him, find Him, remember Him, attain Him, serve Him, share Him, resist temptation, resist doubt, resist suspicion, resist false pride, accept His will, chant His name with faith and love, chant in anxiety, chant in hopelessness, and so on. He is enjoying.

aahun aahun

Eko e kahani bas badele zamana

The envious brother who blames your wife for creating a rift between you and your family is a timeless theme in many persons' lives.

Actually

Actually, Krishna is showing me how dangerous interactions with the other gender are. So many prabhus prefer talking to me, directly, and even look forward to talking with me. This is unnecessary. Why talk unless needed for seva?

dictated souls

He's being dictated to stay up late. He doesn't realise how important spiritual life is. He's just so lost and in anxiety. He can't trust his wife. He can't touch her. He's not sure what to expect of her. She might suddenly do something unexpected. She might invite trouble at the temple with other men.

See Situation as Krishna's Will

So d is wondering what exactly happened when he traveled. It seems his wife lost a screw. She freaked out. Some mental issues, must be. Because no one did anything to cause her fear. But she's a wierdo. She went and stayed at a hotel because of fear? And now she is too excited to move to Zurich. Apparently to be near the temple, but most likely because she is dreaming fantasies of being with another man, I suppose. Why else would she be so eager to move to Zurich. Didn't she want to go to Mayapur? And even there, if I let her speak to everyone and be friendly, she might have another telepathy problem. Basically, she's a lifelong problem. And now I have to worry that my daughter is in the hands of a mentally sick person. Who might suddenly book a hotel room. Or who might just leave. Perhaps she will stay because I am so rich now. I have so much money now.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking, why travel to the temple each weekend if we can just live closer to it? Even if for just a few months, convenience is better than worrying about the effort of moving to another city and adjusting there.

I'm thinking, if I take darshan daily, hear kirtan daily, take a little charanamrit and maybe even attend bhagavatam class and arati daily, wouldn't it be lovely? My goodness, my spiritual life would soar. And he is worried that there will be a new episode of telepathy. Keep this woman alone in a village where she knows no one. That way she can be kept in control otherwise she will cause so much damage. To herself and others.

Gurudeva is asking me to see Krishna's hand in the situation. He has created this situation specifically for me to learn, grow, and go inward. It is His kindness and mercy, whether I can appreciate it or not.

rent and buy

He doesn't want to rent. But he doesn't want to buy anything in zurich. So he basically lied to me when he said he might consider zurich. Just leading me on.

He just wants me to get savvy with crypto. He doesn't care about anything except Tulsi and money. He is religious, but has no interest to surrender to Krsna. He likes hearing Krishna Katha somehow. At least he still has some taste for hearing.

distance from devotees

Dauji wants to be close to the temple, and also physically associate with devotees. But he doesn't want to get too close. Nor does he want to make any commitment. He just wants to be a casual visitor.

lost and misguided

Am I getting distracted by thinking of a business rather than moving to dhaam? 

what to do and what not to do?

Live in switzerland? Go to india?

1. If Dauji does not know hindi, bengali, etc. And such dealings need to be done, then I will be wearing the pants. He will stay out of it and I will be open to abuse.

2. Dauji wants to buy his own home and live there for next 20 years

3. Living in dhaam is about consciousness. Not physical location.

4. Smis will train tulsi as book distributor and kirtan participant. They will also give her identity, belonging, and some form of religious protection from vice. But this can backfire, and she might fall hard if she is too naive.

5. What's good? What's bad? 

sharad poonam moon

I looked at the sharad poonam moon, appreciating its beauty. But I didn't know it was sharad poornima.

messing up

Following the voice of my false ego I am messing up. Eating the wrong things, at the wrong time. Kartik is the time to perform austerities. So now why don't I simply eat rice?

the demoniac beast: the mind

The mind is deluded by attractions and aversions. The mind is attached to the possession, control, and exploitation of matter. The mind wants to escape scrutiny and does not want to reverbate with the Mahamantra.

Krsna can subdue the mind by catching it and vanquishing it, and transforming it.

One must resist the pushings amd temptations of the mind to indulge in greed, lust, anger, envy, pride, and illusion.

open heart troubles

DO NOT OPEN YOUR HEART TO HER

DO NOT CONFIDE

DO NOT LISTEN TO COMPLAINTS

DO NOT TOLERATE CRITICISM OF OTHERS

DO NOT PARTICIPATE IN GOSSIP SLANDER AND PAINTING OTHERS EVIL

DO NOT GIVE YOUR APPROVAL FOR THEIR JUSTIFICATIONS

BE HONEST

SEE HER AS KRSNA DAS, LIKE YOU ARE

ASK KRSNA TO HELP YOU HELP HER

ASK KRSNA TO HELP YOU PROTECT TULSI

ASK KRSNA TO HELP YOU SET BOUNDARIES AND PUT SADHANA FIRST WITHOUT BEING RUDE OR INSULTING

ASK KRSNA TO PROTECT YOU FROM GAINING BAD QUALITIES 

the word

Early morning dream

When you don't know what to do, just remember the word of God.

Mammi, me, and a girl with a slightly transparent retina were discussing this.

intense hankering

Hankering for external stimulation.

Worrying about what devahuti aka debashree aka vaidehi shaw thinks of me for rejecting her fb request.

Worrying about how I will keep t happy, even though that is not my job. She is not doing me a favor by coming here. She wanted it. She can try and take what she wants. But I must meditate on Krishna and treat her as His part and parcel, estranged but beloved. I should serve Krsna and forget about trying to impress or please. I must focus on my sadhana.

I started searching recipes again. And I also started feeling strange that I wasn't getting any emails about property ads. I started wondering and feelibg anxiety about future, war possibilities, fear of being falsely accused. I must only fear not taking shelter of Krsna.

steps of entanglement

Rebellion against God.

Forgetfulness of God and loss of absorption in Him

Absorption in a material identity separate from Him

Fear of bodily harm, 

mental, emotional, physical. 

absorption in material identity causes fear

Dvitiya abhiniveshita

tapasya for good health or for self realization?

Maya's job is to engage you in sin

kill yourself say the demons

Possesed by demons and ghosts, people continually receive dictations in their mind to kill themselves.

tendency to wear the pants

I have a tedency to be the husband in my relationship with D.

In Mayapur, I booked the airbnb. The man who kept the keys was lusty and he could see I speak hindi though my huaband doesn't.

I have to stop wearing the pants and step behind my husband.

surrender

How can I shpw Krsna that I'm serious to become His instrument?

why are we living in baar?

And why don't I have any friends? 

how can I live

With someone who doesn't trust me?

Its not his fault though. I did message b without first speaking with him.

ravana and ram

Either ravana will kill me or Ram will liberate me. The choice is mine. Just as Marici had to choose.

he thinks

If we move to zurich then braja rani will have new telepathy connections.

honor dishonor sweet and bitter

How can I rise above dualities

insecure anxious maintains appearances

Worried his wife is not his. Worried why she wants to move. Worried what people will think if he spends more money on rent.

stingy possessive mad

It is a bewildered soul indeed

threats

Dauji has been insulting me regularly now. Yesterday he said you take cash and i go my way, you go yours. For 3 yrs i told you to learn how to withdraw all krypto. Tulsi is 3. He expects a parent of a newborn to learn how to manipulate krypto? 

talking to prabhus

Dauji scolded me for talking prajalpa with prabhus. He's saying you're inviting telepathy from them. I told rahul prabhu to wear shoes because it's too cold.

maya whispers different words to all

Maya whispers to the husband, your wife is unchaste. And she whispers to the wife, you husband is just a stingy prick.

cyavana sukanya

Sukanya knew her husband was a disagreeable person. So she simply accepted  his nature and went about her duties unbewildered. When her father misunderstood her, she simply smiled. She was not sad or upset or angry.

mental distress and pleasure

All the suffering is due to accepting the condition of the mind as my condition. The truth is all things must pass, and whatever my mind is upset about will soon cease to be. So when I feel insulted, upset, panicky, and hopeless, I should be calm, knowing that the mind is perceiving threats and enemies where there are none. It is rejecting painful consequences and trying to attain happiness.and this process is futile. Because factually the pain and pleasure are simply sense perceptions and not real.

why should I bother

Tulsi is just a soul. It doesn't matter what I do to get her good material education or a friendly atmosphere at her school by choosing a place where more foreigners live. That soul has its lessons to learn. As do I and the rest. Instead of struggling to get what I think will be best, I should just let Krsna guide me because in the end, my attachments and aversions are simply going to give me misery.

I really want to stop taking any initiative in any direction. As long as I can chant, I will be content. The rest can be as it is or will be and I don't care.

why should I be afraid

Should I give up hopes of having a simpler, better life just because he doesn't trust me? Should I be tolerant and continue being in Baar, where I find it inconvenient, just because he says cities are hell and he's doing it "just for me and tulsi"? Should I just stop thinking and planning because surely my false ego is cheating me?

cheater

Because he hides his true motives, he thinks I also hide mine.

save yourself save the world

Save yourself and save the world. It needs kirtan urgently. Living in the forest is sattvic, but living in the city allows you to serve better by helping to fight the flames.

wormwood tea is glorious

I never included bitter in my diet. It just seemed nonsensical. Why would anyone want the bitter taste. But if the sweet is not balanced out by bitter the imbalance sets the house of the body on fire... Inflammation. Chronic inflammation. My scalp, my creaky knees, my bloated belly. My body is seriously sick. And on fire.

mayday mayday

Help! The house is on fire! How can I escape the flames of hell, burning me to crisp? 

sibo and upper handedness

I derive the feelings of security and comfort from food. I need to switch to soul food like lectures kirtans worship chanting to get my comfort. I need to meditate on Sri Krsna and Sri Radha and Sri Gauranga and Gurudeva without allowing thoughts of food or other people or the future or past to distract me.

I need to remember that I am safe. In any circumstance. I am always in the loving embrace of Krsna and I am safe.

Hatred and rejection of family and friends was Maya's trick to prevent me from helping them.

christliche schule has better facilities

Charging 1500 or less, pm the Christliche Schule in dübendorf is quite professional. They have a website. They have good facilities. It's a proper school. It's not a one to one patchwork type of school.

If the langenthal school has a playground, why can't they put pictures of it online?

only 5 students?

Do I think my daughter will thrive in a school with just 5 students? 

why school is closed to nondevotees

Why no website

Why school is closed to nondevotees as in they won't ever know it exists

If it is truly recognized by state they should attract devotee families from austria and germany too

what would prabhupada do?

Go to dhaam for rejuvenation and use rest of the year to help uplift fallen souls.

What about T? Well, she will be lured in by Maya, here or there. She is has much lust stored within and devotion does not come too easily to her. She could learn bharat natyam. And she could spend time in the dhaam getting to know other devotees.

india

Problems

D business and investments might be inaccessible in india

Can we best serve in Mayapur? I could serve the Deities... We could hear bhagavatam, that is so important... Hearing. We need to attain samadhi at feet of guru and Krsna. We can take nice darshan. It will boost spiritual life even if we have no friends. Tulsi can eat prasadam at school and have devotee friends.

Paperwork might be a bit of a hassle. But it should work out.

Taxes might be a problem. Withdrawing crypto might be a big problem.

Are we going there simply to have a big house and nice prasad? Or to serve?

could not hear cowherd boys

The bramhanas doing yagya could not hear the cowherd boys begging for food for Krsna. They were so afraid of Kamsa, and so attached to fruitive results, that they could not hear.

tulsi doesn't grow well in cold places

sense enjoyment versus seva

That is the choice in each moment.

We are materialists. We are trying to become devotees. We are attracted to kirtans. I am attracted to festivals. D is attracted to life in the village, silence, low social activity, and familiarity. Tulsi is a nonconformer, from what I see. Best for her is an open minded community versus a narrow minded one.

Langenthal

Devotees seem to be happy to be devotees themselves and look upon others as worse than themselves. I think they're rude. Proud. Easily offended. I also think cookie distribution is not what Prabhupada would approve of. I think the emphasis on external appropriateness may be too high.

Why did the langenthal devotees come to zurich temple for Saturday kirtan? Even though Saturday is suupposed to be feast day in Langenthal?

The school is a one man show, what if it closes?

Zurich

Devotees seem to be enthusiastic and in the mood of service.

Some devotees are proud and into politics. But most devotees are just trying their best.

I think I want to go on Harinaams in the city as much as possible and serve in this way. Zurich has many bums and needs kirtan.

Langenthal is laid back and I don't see myself going out on Harinaams. I could take initiative, but I think joining a kirtan party, like in Zurich, is just easier.

Tulsi will hopefully be fine as long as she attends temple programs alongside school. Or will she?

She needs more friends than just devotees?

How can I best serve?

thinking feeling willing

One who gives these up, gives up the mind and all dualities related to it. Good bad attractive, repulsive. Honor dishonor. It is only happening in the mind. It has nothing to do with the soul and I can ignore it and be immersed in chanting.

ropes of the modes

Last night lust attacked. It was overpowering me. I should have known better than to watch the interview of Joe Cross. It was what caused it I think. In any case, the modes attack, and I have to resist them by taking shelter. 

who is doing it?

When my body does something, who is doing it? Me Krsna or demigods? All three are involved, my desires being the crucial part.

misled misguided

All my sadhana and efforts leak out due to bad association. 

stuff dreams are made off

Dreams, currently, are made of evil satanic images and scenes trying to incite sexual madness and the fire of lust. I must take shelter of Krsna whiile sleeping.