asat sanga tyaga

I need to have true compassion to reach out to others. I can be selfish and isolate myself because I think I'm better than everyone else. But that just makes me lonely and unhappy.

i want

Convenience. I want to be able to easily pick up and drop Tulsi to and from a nice school. I want an apartment with my own washing equipment. I want a garden. But I don't need these things to be grateful and happy. I have a loving husband, a beautiful playful daughter, and a place to sleep, food to eat, health that is allowing me to operate normally. I should be grateful.

sick brahman pieces

The material world is full of spirit souls that have lost their purity and become sick and depraved. You can expect everything to go wrong. Protection is in Krishna's hands. If I do undergo suffering, it will be for purification. But I must serve the other piece of sick brahman by reporting the crime so that that soul can begin to understand that maybe something is wrong with it and maybe it needs to check what is making it sick.

diabetes

I have all the habits and signs of diabetes mellitus.

1. Numb toes

2. Cold extremeties

3. Dizzy, nautious.

4. Bloated gassy

5. Mucuous early in the morning 

6. Heart thumping abnormally

7. Scalp unhealthy

8. Poor circulation

9. Heavy intake of sugar

10. Overeating and consuming too many calories

11. Lethargy and lack of exercise

12. Mindless eating while listening or surfing

13. Depression

14. Stuck in life

15. Premature aging and white hair

16. Arthryhritic knees

17. Depression

whole wheat flour

Has phytic acid and tannins

Thus difficult to digest

Therefore prana Depleting

Thus tamasic

mental harassment

Adhidaivika klesha

Demigods or demons playing strange romantic and horror songs to distract me from Krsna Katha

engage the mind and escape

not enough earthy taste

Does that cause sugar cravings? 

please help me

Distracting voices in my mind. I am constantly a puppet of maya, of lust anger and greed. Please protect me.

fear of offending dhaam

Something within is inciting fear of offending the dhaam in me. But it is likely an effort to keep offensive persons like me outside the dhaam. I have no good qualities. What will I see? Dauji is fixed up. He only wants to live in mayapur. I am open to Krishna's plan. Though I have no idea what would make Him happy.

sugary food = prana depletion

Cravibgs are actually cravings for energy to function. Craving prana.

I need the sun. I need flowers. I need pure warm milk. I need ojas making foods. I need to calm myself down with sweet tastes like sweet potato, mint, cinnamon, grains, and balance it with other tastes. I should avoid sugary foods because they kill my prana, although I get a tenporary boost from the glucose.

lust greed anger

Are the default masters of a soul under the spell of maya. The heart is frozen like the heart of the boy kidnapped by the snow queen.

The heart melts only when another person comes to help. I cannot free myself from the spell. I need to call for help. If I call desperately enough, the spell will be broken and natural compassion will arise in my heart and a natural desire to serve will also arise.

complete humiliation

Example of Brahma. He said, tat te anukampam... Not what we want. Not what we expected. Calamities that are not on my list of things I'm okay with.

krishna throws reversals in the lives of all

Not just devotees.

nothing happens by chance

Surrender happens when nothing is going your way and you have NO HOPE LEFT.

yeh dooriyan

Mein bhi chahu fasla. Bas fasla rahe. 

if you leave I'm coming too

Song: mujhe le chal tu le chal tu le chal wahan

Masti ki chaon hai, apni to nikal padi.. 

scorpion mind

Don't let it loose else it will bite you

mercy dream is it really mercy

Character chosen by maya steals jewels and plants them in my possession to prove me a thief. I get beaten up. This is a mercy that I should take advantage of like Vidura. Is it?

Or is it just maya, giving me churan? Telling me to abandon my duties to "surrender". Or is it a golden chance that factually will be given to me? No idea. What to do. What not to do, in case such a situation arises. Whether to even expect such a situation. Live in the present moment and plan the future with dependence on Krishna. He will give intelligence if I am praying nicely.

false ego must be destroyed

Then you can live in this world. As long as you maintain a real ego and don't redevelop a false ego, anywhere in existence is fine to live. 

india or not to india

Maharaj says in lecture. Stay and serve. Going to dhaam without attitude of service is maya. Better to serve under guidance.

zurich

Suggestions that I should stay in CH. And move to Zurich. And visit the temple. Mil jana mil jana, mandir me mil jana. Deepak jalta hai to ata hai parvana. And enrol tulsi in the english class there. Maya.

reduce eating and sleeping

This is only for mukti kamis? Or for bhaktas as well? Does it apply to a servant? Am i trying to find ways to justify sense enjoyment? Or is Maya actually trying to confuse and bewilder me? 

no possibility of peace

The mind is agitated by sense enjoyment. I had heart palpitations due to... Fear? Eating sweet? In any case, my heart was pounding. And it has happened before.

Feared things turn into hated things. One must not fall in that trap. Hatred is a strong emotion. Instead one must be neutral and equal in terms of knowing each particle of consciousness is pure brahman.

no attraction no aversion

Training is to become immune to attractions and aversions. These are just the material mind's concerns. The soul can take anything.

sadhana

Listen to the mantra only. Knowing that you are helpless, but also that you are not your mind. Stop taking shelter of it.

I need to clean my heart by begging Krishna to come and help clean it. I need to chant humbly, knowing that I don't know what is to be done or what is to be avoided. I should try to listen carefully. I must avoid chatting with impure persons and avoid eating at the wrong time or eating things cooked by others.

I need to use my time to read, listen, and pray. I should try to fill my day with chanting.

I must bathe after waking from sleep because it pollutes my body with tamas and rajas.

I must be careful to avoid Maya's traps which are guilt based. I don't HAVE to associate with those who are not trying for the same thing. I don't HAVE to eat food cooked by karmis or unserious devotees. 

eating

I will eat only twice (breakfast and lunch) a day and try to reduce that. I will only eat what I myself have cooked and offered to Krishna or things like fruits, nuts, milk, and other uncooked, unprocessed natural foods. I will try to reduce fat, sugar, oil, and carbohydrates from my diet.

pay the price to get there

Between chocolate and a gold coin, better the coin than chocolate. Don't fall for instant pleasure. Try for the highest goal of pure devotional service.

It is incumbent upon all devotees of Kṛṣṇa to avoid eating anything that has not been offered to the Supreme Lord. A devotee who does not strictly follow this principle is sure to fall down. Similarly, one who refuses to accept prasādam, the remnants of food offered to Kṛṣṇa, cannot become a devotee.

In the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (5.5.3) Lord Ṛṣabhadeva states that one who is determined to become a pure devotee avoids associating with the general mass of people, who are simply engaged in the animal propensities of eating, sleeping, defending, and mating. The general mass of people mistake the body for the self, and therefore they are always busy trying to maintain the body very nicely. A devotee should not associate with such people. Nor should he be overly attached to his family members, knowing that he has been accidentally thrown together with his wife, children, and so on. Spiritually, no one is a wife, child, husband, or father of anyone else. Everyone comes into this world according to his past deeds and takes shelter of a father and a mother, but actually no one is anyone's father or mother. While a devotee must know this, that does not mean he should neglect his family. As a matter of duty he should maintain his family members without attachment and instruct them in Kṛṣṇa consciousness.

So, whether in social life or political life, or in the matter of eating, sleeping, mating, and defending, a devotee should avoid performing any action tainted by material attachment. The word used here is bhojanādi, which indicates the four propensities of eating, sleeping, defending, and mating. As the devotee does not eat anything that has not been offered to Kṛṣṇa, so he does not sleep more than is absolutely necessary. In the lives of the great devotees Sanātana Gosvāmī and Rūpa Gosvāmī, we see that they did not sleep more than one and a half hours a day, and they were reluctant even to accept that. So sleeping is also restricted. Naturally one who is always engaged in devotional service of the Lord has very little time to sleep. Sleep is a necessity of the body, not the spirit soul, and therefore as one advances in devotional service one's propensity to sleep decreases.

Similarly, a devotee minimizes his defending propensity. A pure devotee knows he is under the shelter of the all-powerful Supreme Lord, and so he is not very anxious about defending himself. Although he should use his common sense in the matter of defending, he is sure that without being protected by Lord Kṛṣṇa no one can defend himself, however expert he may be in the art of defense.

In the same way, a devotee minimizes or eliminates sex. He does not indulge indiscriminately in sex, begetting offspring as the cats and dogs do. If he begets any children at all, he takes charge of them to elevate them to Kṛṣṇa consciousness so that they may not have to suffer in material life again, in future lives. That is the duty of a devotee.

In this material world, people in general engage in sense-gratificatory activities, which keep them bound up by the laws of the material modes of nature. Indeed, the more a person engages in such activities, the more he expands his life in material existence. A devotee acts differently: he knows he is not the body and that as long as he is in his body he will have to suffer the threefold material miseries. Therefore to decrease his material entanglement and help his advancement in spiritual life, he always minimizes his social and political activities and his eating, sleeping, defending, and mating. 

still making plans to enjoy senses

Checking recipes again. After knowing that all sense enjoyment is meant to implicate, addict, and torture the victim, I am still making such plans. I should neglect the mind. Guror avagya. I should bathe after naps. I am naradhama. I am not surrendering to Krishna. I know I should. I know how to do it. And I am so sick that I just don't want to.

bewildered

What is the point in criticising someone bewildered by maya when I have been doing the same thing as them life after life? I took the same temptations as them and offended so many devotees. How can I criticise them when I am equally guilty?

no association with impure devotees

Those who chant or worship deity, simply respect mentally or offer obeisances. But DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH THEM. Only associate with pure devotees who have no propensity to criticize others. That means No False Ego.

begging for service

Begging for humility, tolerance, and service. Asking with each mantra, constantly day and night, to be engaged under the guidance of Yogamaya through pure devotees.

selfless love

Because Krishna's love is selfless, it is above sin. Sin is selfishness.

bhoga tyaga

Punar punash charvita charvananam

Bhoga tyaga

When we see how something is ruining and damaging our body or mind, we become determined to give it up, and we are even successful in becoming sugar free, etc. But Maya presents temptations repeatedly and eventually we give in to the temptation and start a new cycle of addiction.

In this way, we chew something, spit it out, then pick it up again and chew it, hoping for a different outcome. But it just makes us sick.

The more you cut the weeds of enjoyment, the stronger they grow back. The root must be attacked, which is false identification. Once the false ego is defeated, the weeds and seeds are all destroyed.

mahamantra, glory and prayer

Hare Krishna glorifies Him who is willingly stolen by His compassionate energy, whose qualities exceed His own, as He describes in His own words. And prayer to become a subordinate subservient supporter of the dreams and realities meant for welfare of all and for His pleasure.

why glorify only Krishna

Because every great soul is simply empowered by Him for the eternal welfare of all beings. And His glorification is the only one that benefits all. What is the use of glorifying each leaf and twig of a tree?

dust particle

Every dust particle, blade of grass, tree, ray of sunshine, every little breeze is making manifest, in its own way, the pastimes of either Krishna or the perverted ones of rebellious souls. That dust is simply existing to give pleasure to Krishna and take pleasure in Krishna. Waiting for Him and His devotees to bless it. I am meant to assist in Krishna's pastimes in such a way, as a background art, as an actor in a supporting role. And no actor is big or small, no one is sinful or sinless or evil or good. Everyone is simply playing their role. And this play is eternal and meant to please the root of all existence. Failing which, it is simply a disturbance. In the end, even if we are put through hell, it is simply a reaction for past misdeeds carried out under the tempting guidance of illusion, greed, etc. So no instrument is worthy of blame or hatred. We must simply do our part by surrendering as far as we can and praying for the association that will give us the strength, faith, purity, and intelligence to surrender the rest.

krishna enjoys

Eating sleeping mating defending and all sorts of licit and illicit activities. The soul is not supposed to enjoy these activities independent of Him. It is supposed to surrender to His plan and thus be guided by yogamaya at all times. But the soul desires to avoid surrender. So the material setup forces the soul to see nightmare after nightmare until it realizes that it is dependent on Krishna and not independent. Unless it comes to this stage, it is under illusion that I am this dress, and this temporary film is my life and I am actually directing it. No the soul is not directing its life. It is living out a prewritten script which is meant to bring it great suffering and sorrow and regret. That is meant to reform the soul to desire only Krishna's hapiness instead of selfish personal gratification, name and fame, etc. The soul is not meant for that, but it is forced to dream in such a way. Until it decides to serve selflessly. Then it glorifies Krishna constantly, and is guided by yogamaya and is never afraid because it knows who is in charge, who is the boss, who is in control.

until you realize how low you are

You won't take shelter of Krishna. 

desire to serve the devotees

Since I am a servant of Krishna, willingly or unwillingly, better I surrender and desire to serve His devotees under the shelter of Yogamaya instead of causing my own degradation under the shelter of Maya.

real mercy will not be that I get thrown out of home

But that the truth will prevail and I simply have to be tolerant and humble.

accused falsely

Those finger rings of maa might end up in my home by some contrivance. And when she sees Tulsi playing with it she asks how it got there. She likes her things, even though she is generous. Perhaps I will be falsely accused and then beaten up. Should I lie and say yes, I stole them? What else could I say? How else did they get there? Is that Krishna's mercy? So i can be disentangled from home and hearth? Will I be able to run away? Or will I fall into the trap which is being laid out? Krishna is in control. I must accept His mercy. In the end it is for my own good. Let my original consciousness awaken. As long as I have any false possessions, I will not be able to surrender and say Krishna I am yours, now do as you wish with me. I should be so grateful and thankful that my path is being supported and cleared by instrumental souls. Thank you. May you attain the highest goal of Radha Prema.

a better message

Better to just reveal to Maa that you fear Hien because you saw a nightmare about him.

Ho paura di hien perché ho avuto un incubo su di lui.

rishi sringa

Captivated by indras servants

embrace the daughter

It seems I am being told that he will embrace my daughter because I am out of bounds.

if my daughter in law

Comes and tells me that she messaged my son because she had a nightmare.

If I can't have my whole family together it would interfere with my enjoyment. I might hate her for complicating things and creating tension, esp between brothers.

On the other hand, if she doesn't tell me until confronted, I would be upset, but I would not have expected her to confide in me. If she told her husband then she has no need to come and tell me or apologize.

desire for respect

The reason I succumbed to the order to message Hien is because I wanted to safeguard my image before Dauji and prove that my character is spotless.

control the tongue

Should I keep quiet instead? 

saying sorry

Should I tell Maa I made a mistake by messaging? And that Dauji knows about it? How will she react? What will she do? Will she shrug it off or get upset? Will it help prevent misunderstandings later on? It's not okay to message someone a video of yourself and your daughter, and respond to a threat that was never made. On the other hand, to be considered mad by everyone is probably bad. Dauji will hate being asked why his wife is so mental.

Coincidence that nightmares are called Il Incubo or Le Sucubo in italian.

In January Last year I had a nightmare. Hien was saying I will snatch you from Dau and make you mine at any cost. I got scared so I sent a message to Hien without thinking about it. He was confused and could not understand why I sent such messages. I am sorry. Please excuse me for this. I had told Thanh and Dauji about it as soon as it happened.

A gennaio dell'anno scorso ho avuto un incubo. Hien stava dicendo che ti rapirò da Dau e ti farò mio ad ogni costo. Mi sono spaventato così ho inviato un messaggio a Hien senza pensarci. Era confuso e non riusciva a capire perché gli mandassi tali messaggi. Mi dispiace. Per favore, mi scusi per questo. L'avevo detto a Thanh e Dauji non appena era successo.

I wanted to tell you but Dau told me to keep quiet

Volevo dirtelo, ma Dau mi ha detto di tacere

be an observer of the mind

Don't identitfy with the body and mind, which is the root cause of the problem. By chanting attentively observe your higher self and detach yourself from identifying with your lower self.

bhogi roga bhayam

A sense enjoyer fears health repercussions 

tonight's our night

We're gonna celebrate.

Who is singing this and why? Or is it just my mind? 

its not sugar its false ego that is the problem

The real problem is the enjoyer consciousness. If only I knew how to properly pray to remove it.

extreme fear keeps you in tamas

Maya is using your ego to isolate you, keep your soul weak because it needs love, and keeping you in fear. Fear of loss, fear of no sense enjoyment, fear of suffering.

it gets worse before it gets better

Expect all sorts of temptations, threats. Now this person may have adopted Vaishnava culture. In any case, be very quiet. Don't talk.

ghar ghar mahabharat

Told dauji that in Kali every family is doomed to fight over money and women.

paya meine paya tumhe

it's not over

Until it's finished

khwaja mere khwaja

ego death hurts

Just like bodily death hurts, ego death hurts a lot.

true calling

Is only possible in fact when the ego is stripped away.

false identity

Till I want to falsely enjoy, I will have a false identity which will force me to put myself above others through envy selfishness lust greed and the like. When by grace this false identity is shattered, I will be able to feel love and that will help me feel compassion, which is love in action, and then I can truly see all beings equally, without hypocrisy or duplicity or bias or judgement.

adhidaivika klesha

Suffering created by demigods. They set up a telepathic cord.

test

The telepathy is a test. A test to check if one or both are tempted. To check if I am willing to have faith and surrender. First I thought, this is destiny, this is karma, I have no hope. I have to sacrifice for the sake of preaching (savior ego) or go through this because I might have hurt another in the past. Perhaps I am destined to suffer (victim). But then I realized that choice is always there. If someone is tempted, and they resist the temptation by doing the honorable thing, then they please Krishna. But one who fails the test is doomed. Now I trust Krishna. If and when I am attacked, it will not be unknown to Krishna. And if He wants me to suffer, like dadhichi had to give up his body, then His will shall come to pass whether I like it or not. I can do nothing to prevent it. And if He wants to protect me, nothing can harm me even on the bodily level. And if I have a choice whether to displease Him or suffer, I hope I choose to suffer. Meanwhile, I can please Him by recognizing His test, having faith, showing that I am making efforts to help myself and thinking in terms of how I can be of service for the eternal welfare of all beings. And trying my best to fully surrender. My ego will try to sabotage my efforts, but I need to be alert and not do anything foolish under demonic prompting.

Maya and the demigods do these type of telepathic cordings even for those not aspiring for spiritual goals. Such persons take the temptation and commit gruesome crimes. They think they are entitled because they have the god given connection of telepathy with the victim.

should I proactively apologize

I want to apologize to maa for sending those video and messages to telepath. But I don't know what she will think or how she will react or how d will react. I don't know what to say or how to explain it and whether I will make any sense as to why I did that. Should I proactively apologize or just wait until the day comes that she finds out another way? 

serve through punishing

Serve the souls who have given in to wickedness by bringing them to justice and punishment.

the perfect ideal facade

When I end up being humiliated, my whole perfect, ideal facade will vanish and an ugly truth will take its place. What is the future going to bring? What is my character? Do I have integrity? Will I fail the test? Kamsa failed the test. He failed over and over again. Will I also fail? Do I have any control over whether I pass or fail Krishna's tests?

intelligent assailant

Waits until your guard is down. Plus Krishna empowers, so you never know.

wallet on train

I knew I would forget my wallet on the train. And despite trying to ensure I don't, I actually did. This means, Krishna has no need for my conscious cooperation to make His plans reality. I will end up doing things I didn't plan on doing, and meet destiny on the road I took to avoid her.

hate the disease

Not the diseased

we hate what we fear

hypocrisy

One by one anarthas are being presented and tests are coming my way. Kama, give it up. Lobha, give it up. Dambha, give it up.

i am better than others

Each particle of Brahman is important. And each has a role to perform, whether it be significant or insignificant in the eyes of perceivers. Thus no one is better or worse than anyone. All deserve respect.

double standards

I have one set of teeth to chew and another to show. If I break the rules, it's okay. But others cannot break rules. That's not okay.

what is the truth

Greed and lust create the sick world we live in. This is how unacceptable these things are. We have to take shelter to become well again. Chanting in a humble mood, approaching Krsna without the mood of knowing what to do and what the truth is.

Why are particles of Brahman in illusion and being dictated to do atrocious things? Why are we responsible and yet to be detached? Why do we have senses if they are to be restrained and not enjoyed here? What is the mission of Krsna? Will He protect me in the way I think or will He protect me in some other way? Will my body be physically abused? Or will my body be protected? Will I be happy to have gone through horrible events because it is needed for me to become sincere serious and truly humble? Are these really needed or can I avoid pain humiliation and isolation by trying to understand how desparately I need Krsna at each moment?

fearsome nudges

Take your passport, I hear. Tachyardia trigger. 

faith

It took Gajendra 1000 years to give up faith in his own strength and to take shelter of Krishna. The crocodile has been set loose. And it's being directed by Mayadevi. Now I'm in a fix. How long will it take for me to repent, go down on my knees, and beg Krishna to excuse me for having left Him and forgotten Him? When will I give up my false sense of security? There are people being poisoned and murdered because of Maya's arrangements. This is serious. A compulsive obsessive person will stop at nothing. What can I do except take shelter?

freedom

What freedom does anyone have? Unless Krishna reminds me why I bought something I won't remember what to do with it. How dependent I am on Krishna.

the channels

Radio baking desserts

Radio anxiety

Radio crazy love

Radio grace

Take your pick.

the curious case of bishikishan

The pretender vishnu who wanted to reenact the rasa lila. It seems he had mystic powers too. And he made sure Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur and his family suffered because he tried to expose him. The person I am dealing with seems to have much in common with Bishikishan. And I can expect complete hell if I am to call a spade a spade. It will be the crossing of boundaries of tolerance for pretty much everyone. I must have strong faith, strong sadhana, and strong dependence on mercy from Srila Gurudeva and Krishna.

tamas

After waking from sleep wash hands feet, brush teeth, and rinse face and eyes. Breathe deeply and drink water. Otherwise tamas will cause you to make wrong choices.

eagerness to hear glories of devotees

Is what attracts Krishna's mercy. Hear 24 hours.

fear

Of bad things, insults, loss, punishment, humiliation 

c bhagavata 1.1

sankirtanaika pitarau.

ajanu-lambita- bhujau kanakavadhatau
sankirtanaika-pitarau kamalayataksau
visvambharau dvijavarau yuga-dharma- palau
vande jagat priyakarau karuna-avatarau

glorification of Sri Caitanya

Cc adi 4.55

rādhā kṛṣṇa-praṇaya-vikṛtir hlādinī śaktir asmād
ekātmānāv api bhuvi purā deha-bhedaṁ gatau tau
caitanyākhyaṁ prakaṭam adhunā tad-dvayaṁ caikyam āptaṁ
rādhā-bhāva-dyuti-suvalitaṁ naumi kṛṣṇa-svarūpam

astral out of control

I remember partial dreams and have no control whatsoever

test after test

Renounce what is unfavorable even if it is religious

Accept what is favorable, make sure you follow your vows and don't make excuses to break your vows.

This is a moment by moment choice of whether to be an enjoyer or a servant. To accept temptation or refuse reject it. To be a slave of the mind and senses and maya or to turn to Krishna for shelter.

wolf

The wolf and mother goat are maya and Krsna. To listen to Krsna and refuse to do what maya says, we have to discriminate. The mind will make so many demands. But we have to catch the trap and stay away from temptations.

foundation

I am a servant of Krsna. Jiva Krsna Das. That is the foundation of everything else.

redevelop false ego

As soon as the thought of being enjoyer controller propreitor enters the heart the liberated state is lost and one becomes hooked by maya. Therefore in the liberated state one should be very careful not to let the heart be contaminated.

neo

Was being fed and shown a life by the matrix and he was asleep in the pod. But when he Chose the red pill he was liberated by virtue of that choice itself. He took the pill, and it cured him. He was liberated. All the tubes automatically let go of him. He became free and understood everything.

gone insane

I am so corrupt, I cannot distinguish right from wrong. I can justify anything using scriptures just to continue personal enjoyment.

chataka bird

Thirsts exclusively for the nectar from the clouds like a devotee thirsts for pleasure and mercy only from Krsna and not material sense objects.

Such a bird sometimes gets hit by thunderbolts, but it does not give up hope of receiving mercy from the Lord.

essense

If you engage in the process of devotional service practically, there is no need for austerities, studying scripture, or explaining scripture. The goal is to engage in humble service. If this is attained nothing else needs to be performed. - Prayers of Prahlada Maharaja, sb 7.9.49

representative of Lord Chaitanya

I yelled NO dont touch it! Tulsi was trying to touch the train table and then touch the food to be eaten. I realized I could have been less freaked out. I could have said it less loudly. The passengers around me were disturbed by my screaming. If I had worn sari and tilak, what would they think of iskcon? I have no proper behavior. I cannot represent Krishna.

what is important

More important than reducing eating and sleeping is to chant more often with the mood of genuinely wanting to serve Krishna, His devotees, and not desiring personal enjoyment in the form of objects or praise or position or power.

no food

Actually animals and humans can live without really eating. Eating was supposedly only for enjoyment in earlier ages and not for survival.

longing for taste

I have faith in my tongue. I want to enjoy nice tasting things. I don't want to fast for the mercy of Krishna and wait for His mercy like a chataka bird

grains make me sleep more

Even though I know that eating grains in the evening makes me sleepy, I still bought tsampa for breakfast and ate pizza sticks in the evening along with roasted oat puffs. I slept beyond 3 am and woke up at 4:40 instead. Now at 6 am, I still haven't started chanting. 

don't enjoy temporary things

Na tesv ramate buddha

jesus tempted by devil

Tempted after 40 day fast with

Food

Sense enjoyment

Prove that you are God

Win fame and glory

Prove that God loves you and will show His magic on your command

remote viewing

I heard the song na kajare ki dhaar, na motiyo ke haar, na koi kiya sringar phir bhi kitni sundar ho

Yesterday I don't kniw why I applied a little black mascara before going out with Tulsi. I looked in the mirror and thought, I haven't worn earrings. How is it that someone, who is transmitting this message to my mind, knows that I haven't been wearing make up or earrings? 

music in the head

Music in the mind or heart is normal for me. But others might think it strange. I got very upset that perhaps my mental health was being questioned. I then tried to ask within, how should I be reacting? Why am i angry? I am attached to being considered intelligent and reasonable. I need to be willing to hear that I am insane. I should not try to protect my ego.

-

Dextrose

mind control

One whose mind is controlled has reached the supersoul. But there are many distractions on the way. I heard, how can you dream and expect to reach your goal when you have niether faith in nor have won the faith of your companion.

duplicity

I'm not always honest and hide my true feelings from others.

spiritual versus material

Material consciousness means you look down on others and feel better than them.

Spiritual life means you take a lower position always so that you and uplift, push them up, and encourage others from below them.

impersonal bhoga offering

Just one plate and so many photos

giving up doesn't work

I need positive engagement and positive relationships. Just giving up doesn't work.

Sense control without change of heart and attitude is just supression.

krishna tests

He tests your priority, your loyalty, integrity, true desire, and immunity to temptation.

Maya is constantly presenting opportunities to take shelter of envy, pride, lust, anger, greed (esp while eating), and other things like the propensity to be enjoyer, controller, propreitor. Also the willingness to break the regulative principles. Also the temptation to offend vaishnavas. Also the temptation to be afraid for your life and agree to compromise on spiritual values for the sake of safety. The test of whether you prefer maya to Krishna basically. The illusions of power, prestige, wealth, knowledge, bliss of bramhanda, mystic siddhis, charismatic spiritual leader, are all presented. Even the temptation to be Brahma or perhaps Shiva might be given. Who knows. Maya can do anything because she is as powerful as Krishna.

poisoned against friends

Maya poisons you to misbehave with and hate those you are meant to love. Everyone is better than me and is my prabhu. That protects you against hatred and misbehavior.

money

Charging others money for giving them spiritual benefit is not good because the people cannot trust you as someone who wants nothing from you.

Stages and pitfalls

The stage of offensive chanting is the starting point for pretty much everyone

Chanting helplessly is automatically inoffensive, and calamities are put to good use to help a soul feel helpless and thus take shelter

Chanting with humility is a more long term solution for offenseless chanting

This mood is developed by trying hard to surrender, and Krishna brings it about by showing the soul how deluded, hopless, foolish, helpless, and fallen it is. The soul taken through this by Krishna is more and more humble at every stage.

Trinad api... When this type of chanting is reached, one can taste, ruci, the Holy Name as though it were honey. And the Holy Name begins to reveal more and more.

Once a person reaches nishtha, one has to quickly move forward without stopping or looking behind or getting distracted or trapped because the repercusions are too high. One must try to very very quickly reach bhava, and even then falling down is possible

Offenses to pure devotees and enjoying the facilities of bhakti are two major pitfalls. 

60% of sadhana must be spent associating with pure sadhus otherwise one is sure to lose humility and fall down

pieces of the puzzle

A suffering person is humble.

A humble person seeks shelter.

A saint, by causeless mercy, helps a soul take the decision to surrender to Krishna

A soul who experiences, by causeless mercy, the shelter of Krishna, tries to get that experience again

Krishna waits for the soul to surrender, a little or as much as it can, and helps it execute the will of its higher self and resist the temptations of its lower self

The soul seeking Krishna is still attached to old ways of thinking, enjoying, and acting. It cannot surrender completely due to lack of faith in Krishna and strong faith in maya or the material mind

Association with those who have given up faith in maya and who have strong faith in Krishna is the only means to transform oneself

Association means to hear submissively from pure Sadhus, to be eager to perform menial service to please them. Pure sadhus are at least on the level of nishtha. One may also associate with those who are determined to associate with pure sadhus, but very cautiously because the fault finding propensity is not gone

Maya bewilders the soul by feeding it lies about others and temptations. Any soul that considers itself better than others, believes all her lies. Any soul considering itself the controller enjoyer and possesor falls for the temptations of maya to enjoy, control, or own, but falsely or temporarily.

The soul determined to cross over realizes its helplessness, begs Krishna's internal energy to engage it in His service, regrets falling for temptations that lead to misery, and tries to chant offenselessly.

Chanting must be with humility, realization of one's awkward and dangerous condition and helplessness. It must be with a sincere desire to serve or a desire to have such a desire. It must be without duplicity or the attempt to cheat by trying to enjoy Krishna, enjoy His facilities selfishly, enjoy and still try to be known as a devotee.

Service and association during the time one is not just chanting japa is what determines the quality of japa.

How we use the time and facilities Krishna gives us is what determines the quality of our japa.

If we're surfing the net, planning sense enjoyment for us or our extended familial social or other selves instead of absorbing our consciousness in the eternal, ie., serving the acaryas, the Holy Name, Bhagavatam, sadhus, dhama, etc. then we are misusing our time, energy, and resources

As soon as we surrender, we are lifted up

As soon as we resume control thinking, I know what is to be done, we lose shelter and fall back down

As soon as we accept the temptation of controlling others through anger, we fall back down

As soon as we accept the temptation to be greedy and satisfy the material senses like the tongue, we fall back down

As soon as we associate with those averse to Krishna, opening our hearts and minds to them, we fall back down

senses of krishna

Krishna's senses are satisfied by things offered with devotion, bhakti. It may be anything as long as it is offered with love and faith.

detox the heart

Curing bhava roga is detoxing the heart.

bharat fasted

Because Rama was not in Ayodhya, Bharat fasted and did the same austerities as Rama because he was loyal. He waited for Rama to come and installed Him on the throne. Similarly, we should fast since our hearts are dark caves with no resident. Until Rama is back, I should be like Bharat, not enjoying by making dessert every day. Also I should not have dinner. I should just make one fourth cup of dal worth of dal for me and not eat what is cooked for D and T.