Need to use the momentum
I've gathered. I need to capitalize on the speed I've got now - from my well-wisher, or it'll fizzle me down to depression, making it tougher for me to speed up again.
I have so many parts of me that I don't recognize and acknowledge, that I need to get down to the raw deal - meditate - and find out.
Indeed, meditation should be my most important priority always, and then I can integrate my personality, and then I can surrender it fully, and then I can attain perfection.
Meanwhile, partial surrender, although not preferable, will have to do for now. It's not as bad as you can make it sound. It's just what's possible for now. In fact, I'm counting on it now - to make my current, present moment (no matter which end of the dual spectrum it's in) special, happy and enjoyable.
I have so many parts of me that I don't recognize and acknowledge, that I need to get down to the raw deal - meditate - and find out.
Indeed, meditation should be my most important priority always, and then I can integrate my personality, and then I can surrender it fully, and then I can attain perfection.
Meanwhile, partial surrender, although not preferable, will have to do for now. It's not as bad as you can make it sound. It's just what's possible for now. In fact, I'm counting on it now - to make my current, present moment (no matter which end of the dual spectrum it's in) special, happy and enjoyable.
posted by Lotus at 1/04/2010 05:31:00 AM
3 Comments:
You know, I really enjoy reading your posts. Despite myself, I keep coming back repeatedly. :) You have really put a lot of energy in all this it seems.
You want to integrate your various selves, the many "yous". Very few people realize that they are inwardly fragmented. Each fragment is in constant battle, contradiction with the other fragments. One moment you want something, the other moment you want another. One fragment tries to dominate the other. Each fragment has its own observer. Can all these fragments be integrated into one whole? If so, then who is going to integrate? Won't it be another fragment? The answer to all this does not lie in any book. The only book you need to read is the book of yourself, which is the book of humanity because all this is common to all human beings.
Despite yourself, ey? :) Thanks. I also like to know that there is someone out there who can begin to look at my writing and identify with it at some level.
The thing about integrating the parts is that you never know when you'll finish. I've made peace with some things like that. Won't know, will continue living.
Made peace? Which means you've come to a conclusion and smothered the discontent.
But discontent is a good thing. If one keeps the discontent alive, not accepting anything, not concluding, not being satisfied with any explanation, then it gives you the capacity to inquire into everything. Without discontent, you lose that flame, and become dead inwardly. You have to be disturbed; you have to be in revolt inwardly to find out what is true. But this doesn't mean you must be in despair. There has to be an element of joy in this. If it is not just superficial discontent then there is no complaining, then it gives you the energy to penetrate into many things.
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