State of my mind inspite of all I know

I'm still a door mat. A pushover. I'm still at the bottom of the energy food chain. I attract energy parasites to myself. I'm wounded. How will I heal?

Let me love and honor myself more than ever. Let me express myself without fear. Let me value my time above everything else, including pleasing others.

Let me value my life and its goal to sustain surrender above all else.

Let me accept self discipline, to rid myself of my mind's frailties.

I'm currently worried, afraid and full of doubts. I forget easily. All this is inspite of all I know.

Knowledge is useless unless practiced. I've been gathering knowledge since 2005. It's time to use all that knowledge.

Let me overcome my own silly hurdles in my own mind and begin living a surrendered blissful life.