anukulaysa sankalpah

Pratikulyasya varjanam

I must follow the guidance of scripture and avoid temptations by sincerely crying for help. And not being crooked that I cry during japa and then accept all the temptations shamelessly.

Whatever has to happen will happen. I should not take seriously the threat that he will poison my husband at the wedding. I don't need to go and that's that. I can confirm when I chant, whether I am to go or not. Otherwise it is clear to me that I don't need to go.

And whatever threats and harm may come, it will only be what Krishna sanctions. So why should I lament or worry.

And my mistake that I didn't get a visa... This was sabotage. This shows me how dependent I am on Krishna. Matah smritir gyanam apohanam cha. I should realize that although false cupid was rejoicing, in the end I was always more in favor of Mayapur and not London. Dauji thought it was more convenient, and so it was only because of him that I booked travel. That we ended up not going is then probably in accordance with my wish and good for us and perhaps a sign from Krishna that that's the wrong way to go.

Will Mayapur plans be sabotaged? If Krishna wills, yes. Should we try? Yes. But don't expect it to be smooth, and try to be prayerful rather than self-confident.

And perhaps the little drama here must come out in the open at some point for me to be able to really take shelter. And only then perhaps will we be able to move? Is that the right way to think?

What about strong sadhana? I should move a notch up from 16 rounds. 16 rounds is like a straw house. I need a brick house to protect myself from the big bad wolf of maya and her agents.