An easy time to bring in change

Right now, its easy for me to bring in change. I'm living in a totally different mode right now. I'm glad I'm going to have a fresh perspective for at least a week before I return to the auto-reflex life. When I return, I need to take a hard look at things that need changing. Like a diaper. It needs to be changed immediately. Otherwise, it just gives you a rash.

Its interesting how the mind works. It clamors for attention until you stare it in the eye. Then its confused. It tries to escape any monitoring. Just like a child clamoring for attention wants to run away when you start kissing the child crazy.

The absent minded life, where you're stuck in a rut, ceases when you start staring at your mind. The lapse of awareness is so dangerous. You aren't paying attention to where you're going because something else is more interesting. My niece was walking along, and looking back at a mom and a child talk to each other. It was as good as walking with ones eyes closed. Dangerous.

Living an unaware life is dangerous.

The mind and the child

In many ways, the mind is like a child. Its incessant needs disallow us from having clarity in thought. When the child or the mind play the biggest roles in our life, we tend to become scatterbrained, unable to think, forgetful, numbed, and slow. Something inside of us that drives us to complete our tasks at hand is interrupted so many times that it just gives up. And you have this constant feeling of "I haven't done what I need to get done" "I have no time."

Like the child, the mind is demanding, needs to be trained, and is happy to consume all our living hours: giving us no time to reassess, unless we take time away from it. Both jump from one topic to another in a random fashion, for no rhyme or reason. Both play subtle games that can't be easily caught, and even when caught, the games can't be easily won.

The child and the mind: the two things most capable of giving us happiness, while also the most capable of giving us distress. Can't do without them, but its a pain to constantly have to give them attention.

The ability to take care of yourself

You can spot toxic places and people. Sometimes, the wrong things attract us. We feel drawn to them because we have something left to learn. But I can now spot the dramas before im a part of them, and I have learned to stay away. I can see how it would harm me to approach these people and places.

Even then, I'm not sure if I've really understood and learned how to take care of myself. My roots are weak. I need to dance more often and reconnect. I also need to realign slightly more with my goals.

I've met a prospective groom online who is so clingy and presumptious that I should just say no. But I'm waiting for this person to take the compatibility test until I say no. Maybe I should just talk to him about it and be honest. Of course, he will deny it, and he will try and convince me that we should just marry. Zamn clingy people! And he has no clue who I am. Doesn't even care to get to know me better. All he is enamored by is my face! He has a boring monotonous voice. And he's not the one for me - i knew it when i saw the picture. The only reason I decided to talk to him is that I was hoping he'd be otherwise. Hes not. He apologized to me for not being renounced enough. That was what helped me take the final call.