what is going on?

I don't know what is going on. I am listening to my mind and accepting its suggestions. I should be very careful that my mind does not associate with lust anger greed pride envy illusion. I am a spark of consciousness identifying with the external phenomenon of the world. It is actually being carried out automatically. If I identify with the super soul within, then I can reside happily in the city of nine gates. But as soon as I tune in to the avoidance of pain and seeking of pleasure of the mind, I become hooked to the outside reality of names and forms. What Parikshit Maharaja did is what yogamaya did. What did he actually do? He just had devotion, and a desire to hear about Krishna. Very eager to hear. And that's all. He could understand what is going on. Krishna is allowing parts and parcels of Himself to identify helplessly with forms and names in different circumstances. Sometimes much is achieved and other times the value of that life is considered zero. But the real fun or real story begins when the soul realizes that it was never me. It was never me. It was just false identification and acquired desires. It could be otherwise. If I just think I'm a servant if Krishna and Guru and give up all other identifications, then the outcome changes.

So it is a game of identification?

Or controlling the mind?

Or just hearing submissively?

Or just floating along thinking, I have nothing to do with this?

Or renouncing asat?

Or ensuring I don't eat see hear or do things that agitate the mind by taking shelter of devotional processes?

Or realizing I don't actually need food and only my soul and body survival is worth attention?

Or breaking all the rules and not being so fanatic? Because fallen people need help? I shouldn't give up asat because then it's too extreme, too lonely, and too much?