disturbing thoughts and dreams

I had a dream that a computer virus ran loose and destroyed my screen display to my utter shock. It was the kind that one encounters while looking for the wrong things online.

I also had disturbing dreams about the soul in the form of my father engaging in degraded sinful acts. It was very disturbing.

Then I got mental and synchronicity messages that I would be raped. Is that a warning from paramatma or a tactic to induce fear by maya or false cupid? Is it cupid or just paramatma translating some thoughts for me?

In any case, I'm being cornered into surrender to Krishna. What do I need to do?

I tried moment by moment surrender, but my understanding is that attraction to sweet tasting food is a distraction from that process. I lost my connection with Gurudeva due to selfish desires to enjoy. How did I fast so many days? And how is it that I cannot fast a single ekadashi? How is it that I cannot take up the vow of poverty? Why is it that I always end up pleasing other materialists and not God?

I lack discrimination. I am trying to plan for my own safety. I cannot follow the instructions to avoid asat sanga. I am affected by dualities. I fear unwanted future scenarios. I desire respect. I cannot give up attraction to the glare of maya.