Pride Criticism Insecurity and Distraction

What has happened to me? I have become less devotional and more critical. More arrogant. More insecure. More distracted. I used to be so driven to perform devotional activities. Now it has become so mechanical. I have no joy. I like instead to get angry, scream swear words in my privacy, venting out angry thoughts. What is this? Where is my gratitude and mood of humility? Where is my ability to see good in others and only faults in myself gone? What happened to me? Years of being in Krsna Consciousness have made me very proud and presumptuous. I easily judge, dismiss, and demonize. I do not allow myself to see any good in certain people. I paint them black. I see outside myself, all those things about myself that I hate and would rather ignore. It seems like this is the time to look at all that and own it. Fanatic, selfish, non-caring. Unkind, arrogant, preachy. Making friends with subordinates and then making it a terrible situation by claiming to know more or better than them. My mood is wrong. I will certainly make it worse for myself. And rub others the wrong way. I can be so unforgiving, so self-entitled. It is just like T. I want to deny that I have any such behavioral tendencies. I can only see them outside of me and paint them black. I do not see how I am also uncaring, insensitive.